Scary news.

We found out on Monday that baby Magnus has a birth defect called craniosynostosis ( the suture in his skull that runs front to back closed prematurely while in utero. As he grows his brain will not have room to expand). The only treatment for this is surgery....scary surgery....skull surgery. 

His surgery will be in July, we are waiting to hear on a date. The next few weeks are filled with appointments for ct scans, meeting surgeons, and hopefully finding a blood donor match within our family. 

Everything else is on hold and just doesn't matter right now. We will be staying in WI as we deal with Magnus's surgery, recovery, and follow ups. 

Please keep our little boy in your thoughts! 

Seven!

My dear, sweet, little Erik turned 7 yesterday!
For 6 years he was my baby and now he holds the title of middle son.
He is kind, thoughtful, my right hand helper, funny, cuddly, and still needs his bunnybear to sleep at night.
We celebrated with a blueberry lemon cake in a bowl ( it is possible to turn cake disasters into something awesome :), and stuffed portobello mushrooms for dinner, one of his favorites!

My heart just overflows with love for this little boy! 7 years has gone so fast.

Operation Colorado

It's been a busy couple of weeks!

We had a wonderful visit with my mom (Oma) and then took a quick but very fun trip out to Colorado to show the boys our new state and to do some house hunting.

I'm happy to say that we did secure a rental, we found a nice 3 bedroom townhouse right in downtown. It's very similar to our current townhouse ( a little larger!). I hadn't really envisioned city living when we moved but I'm getting really excited about it! Having access to public transportation and all sorts of festivals/museums definitely has its perks. Plus I can still do some container gardening on my patio.

The best part of our mini-trip was driving to Estes Park and showing the boys the mountains. They were awestruck as I was too! Amazingly beautiful!

On our drive back to the airport Ivan said he didn't want to leave because Colorado already feels like home. I agree! At one point driving back from the mountains my eyes welled up a bit....it feels like I finally found home for good.

Helpers

I used to live in Boston, not all that long ago. 2 years ago Boston was home. When I heard about the bombing at the marathon yesterday my thoughts immediately went to those I know and love there. My father, several friends, and many former university classmates. All are safe and sound to my great relief!

In the face of senseless tragedy I think of this quote from Mr. Rogers,

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”


― Fred Rogers

It gives me perspective in talking to my children about tragedy, and for me too it is a reminder that humanity overall is good, very good. I need a reminder of that because my gut reaction is to want to hide away in the woods and shelter my children from the craziness out in this world. But we can't hide, and I won't always be able to shelter my boys ( right now I can filter, but someday I will no longer be able to do that).

So I talk to them about the goodness in others, the helpers who don't hesitate a moment.

We know a helper in Boston. A dear friend of our is a PT at one of Boston's largest hospitals. Yesterday and today she has likely seen tragedy and injury she never expected to see. In the coming days and weeks she will be helping some of the victims heal and rehabilitate.

I want her to know that I'm proud of her, the person she is, and the work she does. If I were injured she is the person I would want by my side. She exudes warmth, love, and a positive attitude.

So I'm dedicating this post to her, because when I talked to my children about helpers last night I talked about her and we all felt better knowing some of the injured were going to have her there to help them.

Thank you dear friend for giving all of us hope in goodness.

Pointed West

Last fall our family made the journey from Rhode Island to Wisconsin, and this spring we will be heading even further west to our new home in..... Colorado!!!!

We are really excited as Colorado has been a recurring idea for us over the years. For my husband it will be returning to a place he never really planned to leave years ago. For the boys and I it will be a brand new place. I visited once a decade ago, but the boys have never been.

We have just over a month to put this all together and then we will be on the road to a new state and a new adventure!

Yarn Along

Joining in with Ginny today on the yarn along http://www.gsheller.com/ .

Today I'm test knitting a pattern for Liz of The Sitting Tree ,http://thesittingtree.blogspot.com/2013/04/clyde-bonnet.html . I'm really excited about this pattern, it looks like it will be the perfect Spring/Summer hat for little Magnus. It took me a little while to figure out the provisional cast on, I kept doubting myself and thinking it looked wrong when I really was doing it correctly the entire time. Ravelry notes: http://www.ravelry.com/projects/vintagegreen13/clyde-bonnet

My wonderful husband ordered me a new book to read this week! http://www.amazon.com/Backyard-Homestead-Produce-food-quarter/dp/1603421386  .We feel that we are about 1.5-2 years away from being in a position to purchase our first home, which no matter how much space it ends up having it will promptly be turned into our homestead. I figured while I'm dreaming of our future homestead I might as well educate myself on the actual creation and running of it. So far I am incredibly impressed with this book. It is full of charts, sketches, and tons of information.

Knit rattles

Since Magnus is of course too young for an Easter egg hunt I decided to make him some rattles to celebrate the day.

I used the free knitting pattern from Natural Suburbia.
http://www.naturalsuburbia.com/2012/06/cat-knitting-pattern-and-tutorial.html

Instead of stuffing the cat I put a plastic Easter egg filled with dried beans in the bottom and then filled in the rest with stuffing. The cat came out a bit better than the owl, mostly because I finished up the owl with my left hand while nursing.

A change is in the air

Life is always changing. Seasons turn, children go from pudgy cheeked preschoolers to thinned out elementary aged kids, babies change overnight from tiny and helpless to trying to sit themselves up. A couple gray hairs sneak in where there were none before, we would rather spend a Saturday night at home playing games with our children than out with other adults.

Spring seems to finally be breaking through here in Wisconsin. The sun is stronger, the days longer, and the birds are making their presence known.

I'm ready for whatever this turn of the seasons may bring......

Quiet

I've been feeling quiet. I'm not sure why, maybe it's being ready for a change of season. We keep getting glimpses of spring, it rained all weekend. But the weather can't seem to make up its mind and we've received snow and frigid temperatures again. I know spring will arrive eventually, I'm just so ready for it!

I've also been feeling restless about "home". For so many years we have been dreaming about where our permanent home would be, we knew it wasn't back East but I'm unsure that it is here. Don't get me wrong, there is so much I really like here! Yet, when we look at homes for sale I can't help but be disappointed. The yards are so teeny tiny and to get any space we would have to be too far away from work.

I just can't shake this yearning to have a little homestead. I want chickens and goats. I want to let the kids run around on our property and not have to worry about busy streets. I want us all to know the joy and also the frustration that comes with providing much of our own food. I will always do my best to fit our dreams into wherever we are living, I'm planning our little urban veggie garden for the front steps. I just can't help but feel that this isn't where we should be. As I'm getting older I really need to know where "home" is.

Ultimately home is where my beautiful little family is....I just wish I knew where it would feel right. I feel as though I am as confused as the weather right now...

Boys

Just feeling overwhelmingly lucky to be mom to these three amazing boys!

One of those days

I think one of the hardest parts of parenting for me is seeing my children struggle with something be it math, peer relationships, or coping with life's ups and downs. The worst part is realizing that somehow whether through genetics or observation, they got that struggle from me.

Both our older boys have a hard time coping. Ivan seems to struggle most when he makes mistakes, he just can't seem to forgive himself for it and it bothers him for a long time. Erik tends to be more affected by things that don't go his way ( a classmate doesn't want to play with him, uhoh day ruined!).

We are working with them both on becoming better at coping and moving on. With Ivan we are working through strategies such as taking deep breaths and blowing away the mistake. We talk a lot about "turning it around" and "starting fresh". He is doing really well with this strategy. Just yesterday after a rough start getting out the door and being upset with his brother, he told me by the time that we reached the end of the driveway, "Mom, I turned it around and I'm ready to have a great day!".

With Erik we are working on pointing out all the good things that happen in any given day and trying to help him to find those positives on his own so he doesn't feel like his day is "ruined". He still struggles but he is improving on it.

So today could have been "one of those days" for me. The baby didn't sleep well which of course means I didn't either, ours was the only school district in the county that didn't call a snow day (when i really could have used one), I burnt breakfast, dropped a jar of laundry powder and it went everywhere, got pooped on, a pattern I ordered is lost in the mail, and the fabric I ordered came in wrong ( turquoise satin is definitely not cream cotton jersey).

But instead I'm trying to take a lesson from my kids and turn my attitude about today around. Even though they are at school I know I'm still setting a good example for them. They can tell, keen observers that children are...and when I pick them up from school I want them to see that mom had a good day, because really I did.

We had a great walk to school in a bunch of freshly fallen (and still falling) snow, the brisk walk woke me up and energized me ( as did the hot cup of coffee I had once I got home). The boys never complain when I say "Well, looks like cereal for breakfast", I didn't spill the entire jar of laundry powder. Poop...so what? I'm just happy to have an adorable 7 week old here! The pattern I'm sure will turn up, and the fabric company has awesome customer service and are shipping me the correct fabric today. See, I turned it around!

Some really special things have happened today like......boys adventuring across a snowy field, beautiful winter scenes, Magnus napping in front of the fireplace while i make bread, sleepy baby smiles.....the good stuff is always there, I just have to remember to look for it.

“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
― L.M. Montgomery

Sunday outing

Sunday was a beautiful day here, 36F and sunny. We spent the morning doing some much needed early spring cleaning. The idea was to go sledding in the afternoon but we realized after much basement searching that our sled did not make the move with us. So we did the next best thing; a family walk in the park!

Our park is amazing, over 400 acres on the shores of Lake Michigan. There is a beach, many trails, playgrounds, a fishing spot in the creek, and beautiful views. We had a wonderful time enjoying the fresh air. Snowball fights ensued. We found many animal tracks. We laughed and had the perfect afternoon, followed by hot cocoa once we were back home.

The pictures are a bit lopsided in their reflection of the snowball fight, I swear the boys got daddy good too!

Poem on a snowy afternoon

Baby's breath
Snowy steps
Winters magic...settling in
Wet apron, hair is coming undone
The stomp of small boots
Heavy silence of falling snow
Red cheeks and dry dishpan hands
Cup of tea, knit a few rows
Baby sleep smiles and dreamy coos
Tired and full - happy, content
Life where I want it in this moment

This moment

Inspired by www.soulemama.com a moment I want to treasure.

Sew ready!

I just ordered a bunch of cotton jersey and cotton thermal to make myself some nursing tops and dresses.

I'm much more comfortable with knitting than with sewing, but I'm appalled at the cost of nursing tops and even though I can nurse in normal clothes I just find it more comfortable to have shirts with built in nursing access.

I'm going to use the Jalie 3132 pattern http://www.jalie.com/jalie3132-nursing-tees-sewing-pattern.html , and modify the tunic pattern into a just above the knee dress.

I'm crossing my fingers it will come out!

Finished Milo

I finished the Milo vest for Magnus last week and then misplaced it for a few days. Today is the first time Magnus is wearing it, and what a perfect day for it! With wind chills reaching around -15F an extra layer for core warmth is essential today.

Happy Valentine's Day

We don't make too big of a deal around here when it comes to February 14th, but being in school the boys were excited about today.

They made sure to wear red today...Magnus too!

They made their own cards for teachers and classmates. I cut up heavy weight paper into 2x4 inch cards which they decorated with artwork and stickers. Erik drew a quick little picture on each, while Ivan took his time ( being the attention to detail artist that he is) and drew elaborate scenes and characters. He designed the cards to be a game that he is going to teach his classmates. They also brought in red lollipops to hand out.

I wanted to do something special for them so I attempted to make chocolate chip moose shaped pancakes with a cookie cutter. It was a disaster, my pan wasn't even so the batter leaked out of the mold and did not resemble any type of animal at all. So round chocolate chip pancakes it was ( which still earned me the title of best mommy ever from my little guys) and they enjoyed them immensely and felt special, which was the point anyways.

That wraps up the festivities for this holiday in our house. It is a half day today due to parent teacher conferences, so I'm looking forward to an afternoon spent with all my special boys.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Milo

After seeing so many adorable Milo vests on blogs that I like to follow I just had to make one too!

I bought the pattern on Sunday and I'm more than halfway finished with a Milo for my Magnus ( with very little knitting time devoted to it). I can see why the pattern is so popular, it is very well written for a large range of sizes, and completely seamless to boot.

You can check out my ravelry notes here,
http://www.ravelry.com/projects/vintagegreen13/milo

I plan in making this for the older boys as well.

The best laid plans....

Sometimes just don't happen. When we went to bed last night my intent for today was to wake up, make a nice pancake breakfast for the boys, and then bundle all 3 children up and walk to the library. I pictured our afternoon consisting of playing in the glorious snow and then warming up with some hot cocoa and popcorn.


Instead I was woken while it was still dark by hot little hands and the soft weak voice that can only belong to that of a sick child.

So instead I made a cozy nest on the sofa for the sick middle child and a tray of oatmeal.

We are spending a quiet day inside, reading stories, resting, and reminding Erik to keep drinking fluids.

I'm lucky to have such a big helper in Ivan who has been on baby duty between feedings and diaper changes so I can tend to Erik. He even managed to put Magnus to sleep!



Once daddy is home I'll make a chicken soup. The snow will have to wait to be played in, but that's okay. Sometimes a day of rest is what everyone needs.

This Moment

Inspired by soulemama.com

A moment I want to treasure.

Snow

We have our first real snowstorm of the year...finally! For a girl who loves winter as much as I do this nearly snowless winter has been pure torture.

I wish my camera phone could capture the beauty of the snow falling outside tonight, but all the pictures I've taken fail miserably.

A few from today though....

Mama and Baby

It is a rare thing for me to have my picture taken, I just simply don't like most photos of myself.
I'm always coming up with excuses, vain as they may be. I haven't showered, my face is broken out, I have dark circles under my eyes....the list goes on.
A recent post over at the Knitty Gritty Homestead blog, http://theknittygrittyhomestead.blogspot.com/2013/02/inspired.html?m=1
made me think about this picture business in a whole new light. It is important for my children to have pictures of themselves with me to look back in and treasure one day. When I think about the photos I treasure most of my childhood it's the ones with me and my mom together.
They are not studio portraits, just snapshots of a moment during everyday life.
One of my favorites was taken shortly before I turned four. I have band aids all over my knees and a lopsided ponytail. It was a hot summer day and my mom was 8 months pregnant with my little sister and most likely miserable from the heat and exhausted. She doesn't care for the picture because she remembers how she felt that day, and as most of us are guilty of doing, she sees all her flaws in that photo. But I don't. I see a beautiful, young, vibrant woman. I see her pretty jet black hair and think how good she looks for being pregnant on that heat. I see a mother who loves her children more than words can say.
30 years from now my kids aren't going to look at a photo and point out my bed head hair or that pimple on my forehead. 30 years from now when they see photos of us together I hope they will see a mother who adored them and instead of the dark circles, see the joy they brought to my eyes.


Magnus was talking to a Van Gogh painting on the wall this morning, Sunflowers. He either loves art or yellow!

This Moment

Inspired by Amanda at www.soulemama.com, a picture of a moment I want to remember and treasure.

Do you believe in magic?

Whenever I hear the word magic the song by The Lovin' Spoonful pops into my head. Such a classic, good time song. It reminds me of the summers of my childhood.....and isn't that where magic comes from? Childhood.

My sweet middle son Erik made me a magic snowflake at school this week and proudly brought it home to present to me. He knows how much I love winter and snow....and also how disappointing this snow-less winter has left us all feeling. I asked him to tape it to my bedroom window because I knew the light would be pretty shining through it in the morning. 

The next morning we awoke to snow! Not much, just enough to cover the ground...but still it is snow and it is here. The magic of winter and childhood is very much alive. 

We spent the walk to school searching for Tomten footprints. The boys are positive they found some. 

This Moment- a day late

Inspired by Amanda's Friday ritual. http://www.soulemama.com/

A special moment to remember, these first two weeks with baby Magnus home have been so full of special moments. I couldn't pick just one! My favorite moments are seeing all my boys together. It makes my heart happy.

New Year, New Life, New Love

My apologies for deserting this space just as I was beginning to get better at posting, but I do have a very good excuse!

On January 8th at 10:40 am, after 8 hours of intense back labor we welcomed with tears of joy, Magnus Adrian! With a full head of soft, dark hair and big navy blue eyes, he is certainly a bundle of joy, an 8lb 1.5 oz, 19 inches long bundle of joy!

It has been a challenging recovery for me physically but otherwise it has been a pretty perfect transition into a family of 5. We are all completely smitten with this brand new member of our family.